Raleigh, NC: Goodyear Satire Co.—

Five Middle-easterners and a newborn were arrested today after they were discovered sleeping in a Raleigh churchyard with their livestock. Agents from Homeland Security are processing the immigrants for deportation.

An Anchor Baby

The foreigners will be sent back to Bethlehem pursuant to the Trump administration’s new “Treating Foreigners With Dignity and Respect Act.”

“We’re glad to be rid of them,” said church CEO Todd Q. Whitman. “We have nothing to learn from foreigners and they don’t contribute anything to American society. Plus, we have an investment club meeting in the all-purpose room this evening so we need the space.”

Because the baby is a citizen by birth, he would have been considered an “anchor” baby under former law. However, under the new “Babies Are Our Future Act, he will be deported, along with his parents.
Detective Hiram Blatnik of the Raleigh office of the FBI explained, “The baby is welcome to stay alone, if he wants. Our generosity is part of what makes America great.”

The Three Kings

It is not known whether the Kings are related to one another or just share the…