Photograph by Geo Rodriguez / Reuters

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Moments after law enforcement apprehended the pipe-bombing suspect, Cesar Sayoc, in Florida, White House staffers scrambled to make sure that Donald J. Trump had never retweeted anything from Sayoc’s demented Twitter feed.

The alarm bells went off at the White House after the chief of staff, John Kelly, reviewed Sayoc’s feed, which is riddled with right-wing conspiracy theories and paranoid attacks on George Soros, and thought that some…