ORLANDO (The Borowitz Report)—Speaking to reporters on Thursday morning, Vice-President Mike Pence ripped the New York Times and vowed never to write for it again.

“I think the New York Times is reprehensible and disgraceful, and should apologize to the American people,” Pence said. “As for me, I’m going to show my disgust with the Times by never, ever submitting another piece of writing to it.”

Pence said that, in addition to the Times’ irresponsible decision to publish incendiary articles, “The editors over there are really hard to deal…