PHOTOGRAPH BY BILL CLARK / CQ ROLL CALL / GETTY Photograph By Bill Clark/CQ Roll Call/Getty

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—House Speaker Paul Ryan has set a Google News alert to notify him of the instant that Donald Trump becomes unpopular enough to turn against, Ryan revealed on Thursday.

The news alert, which Ryan said was set to the phrase “Trump approval rating falls below fifty per cent among Republican voters,”…