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By the authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, it is hereby ordered as follows:

Sec. 1. It is the policy of my administration to end the chaotic and totally unfair abuse of so-called free speech and inventory sovereignty by certain biased retail chains and other leading national advertisers. It is imperative for the executive branch to take all actions consistent with law to minimize the unwarranted economic massacres by rogue entities to deprive consumers of such crucial merchandise as the Ivanka “Soho Tote,” which is well known to be a smart solution for everyday scenarios—from work meetings to weekend plans. Next stop: holiday travel. Whether you’re jetting to a ski resort or a tropical island, this carryall tote comes equipped with design elements that will make your trip stress-free (and that much easier).

Sec. 2. To the maximum extent permitted by law, the…